It's been my last day of my orientation week which i'm not supposed to be at sch.....but then....i'm in computer lab now.....it's all because of my stupidness.....the system here in this school are all online....which mean i've to choose all the subjects and electives that i wanna take....all of these things are done online....and....it sounds sooooo high tech and very convenient for us rite....well....by the time u click into the webpage....there's thousands of different things in there....and....my point is.....i don't understand a word in the page that we are supposed to be....and i cant find the place where we should chooose all our units and stuff like that.....stupid la.....i mean....me...i'm the one who stupid...yesterday the dunno who standing up there briefing about how to do all the things...and i was seriously concentrating to what he says ler (which i normally will be sleeping down there)....but then....when he ask for the hands who haven done all the things...there's only my hand in the air!!!!(actually still got a few more person la)SEE....how stupid i am....this probably because i'm in a new school....everything is new here....their system....the environment...the people....everything new....I HATE THAT!!!!That's what i hate about being into a new environment....all the things have start from the beginning again....and....social life in the school campus....this is the most horrible things....hai.....somemore i got a whole lot more things to settle down here....fussy everyday....i dont feel like i'm making the right choice to get into this schoool.....but....due to my current financial problem...what can i do????everything i have to swallow into my stomach....let my multi-purpose stomach to digest it.....
Life in Bintulu (my hometown) is much more simpler.....everything is simple...all i have to worry is that did Jocelyn feel well today????Did she drink her milk???Did she sleep well???and....fill my empty stomach when there's drumming sound inside....that's all.....and...and.....go to church....i feel like sitting in the empty church right now....to calm every part of me in front of the cross....to confess all my sin.....to pray.....just probably stare at the cross for a minute will make me feel joyful....i'm lost everyday and everywhere.....i don't dare to tell my mum all about these....i scared that she'll start to worry for me since she got a lot of things to worry at home....and i don't feel like talking to anyone else these days....but.....cant.....everything have to be swallowed down....if not.....ppl will think that i don't like to be here or other bad things that they are going to say about me which i dont wished to mention it here.....
My Dear Father God, i'm soooo thankful that You leaded my path....no matter where am i, i know that You are always there by my side....whenever i cry, You'll be the only one who can comfort me.....Thankyou GOD for always being my spiritual advisor.....Thankyou God for everything that You have done to me....Please....again....help me!!!Tell me what i should do now....In Jesus Name I Pray....AMEN
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